I treat my webpage like a stepchild. No offense to all the stepchildren out there.

Im going to write more , i promise. Im not sure who im promising , since i routinely break promises to myself, and as for God, well...he/she has a helluva tab waiting for me. Theres plenty of times i feel like posting but something always seems to get in my way. This time something made me so angry, and I wrote out about 1,000 words about lying , betrayal, the meaning of friendship and other assorted nonsense. For some reason I decided against posting that though. Im going to hold this one inside, as tuck it away in a dark corner of my mind where no therapy can reach it. Im going to let it sit, and burn slow, in a corner of my mind, until ive convinced myself that ive forgotten about it. Until one day, something, someone , somewhere will bring it to the surface, and Ill see fit to make them feel like i felt...your day is coming. Believe me...

At moments like this i always go back through my archives of writing...to kinda look back at where ive been, and hope itll give me an idea of where i should be going. Two years ago, this day, I said...

Im...not really very focused right now, and I have plenty on my mind, and yet I dont think i can really put it down here. I hate when shit like this happens , bcause I like to share things with all of you, but its just appropriate right now to keep this one private...just pray for me ya'll.

"Some things never change..."

Maybe i took the wrong path. I shoulda took the blue pill.

You put objects on a pedestal, and look at them as if they're sacred. Eventually you step closer and closer to it, and while you expect that diamond to loes its shine, it just keeps blinding you...beautiful and perfect. You get closer and closer until, you can touch it, and yea it has a couple scratches on the surface, but nothing in the world is really perfect, right? Now you can pick it up and hold it and call it your own, and you couldnt be happier, with your slightly scratched , but still precious piece of the world. Things arent always what they seem. One day you crack that one in a million diamond open by mistake, and you see that on the inside, its as hollow, and dead as can be. Now that diamond you cherished for so long, is just another rock. Just another piece of weight holding you down, and you woulda rather just stayed with your pretty little stone, cause it made you happy to know that you could have something so rare, and valuable...even if it was coal on the inside. Ignorance is bliss...

Pacify me.
Tell me what i want to hear
Feed me bullshit and untruth till it comes streaming out of my eyes
warm and liquid
Lie to me...let me know its all okay
and itll get better tomorrow
cause tomorrows another day right?
another day, another lie, another tear i held on the inside...
Decieve me.
Play with my mind
get me nice and high cause, ignorance is bliss
and, not knowing is heaven.
Take me there....

Word.