Well that was fast. I only made it to 15 entries but it looks like thats gonna be about it for now. 15 pretty good entries id like to say. I figure i was just getting warmed up, but things are that way sometimes. Im dealing with too much, but thats not even it. I just dont have the money to pay for this here anymore. No. Seriously i dont. In fact im shocked they havent closed up shop here, and put up one of those nifty "THIS ACCOUNT HAS BEEN SUSPENDED" things. Then you would have really known where my financial standing is. IN FACT...i wont even have internet access in 2 days, at which time ill probably shoot myself in the face. Well not in the face...the face is cool.

Anyway over the last couple weeks i remembered why it so dumb to me to have a public site sometimes in the first place. At least a weblog. Really impossible for me because im "known," and some of the people i hang with are "known." So assumptions are made, or inquiries about the status of my relationships and friendships are made to the wrong people, based off my writing. Im not talking about one thing in particular, this is just somethin ive noticed in general. Its not like when i was 18, and no one knew what went on in my life. Back then i could say whatever the hell i wanted, cause then, my "circles" were completely and totally different. And even if they did manage to intermingle occassionaly, it was in such a way that me or my writing was not the center of attention.

Now its different, and everyone that knows me, reads my site. And everyone that knows me, knows my history. Everyone that knows me knows i had a war with a certain famous webmistress years ago. Everyone also knows that i care very deeply for that same person. So where does that lead? Too many people know my damn B.I. thats where. Too many people know too much, about too little, and that leads to misinformation being spread. And on and on and on...

I guess part of the reason i used to have a site, is that i wanted to influence someone with my words. If i felt like i made an impact on one person per day, with something i said, then my mission was accomplished, and THAT kept me going. The feeling that maybe something i said was inspiring someone to do something other than what they are. I no longer feel that however, or more accurately, i no longer care about that at the moment. Add it to the list.

*scribbling out "Shit i dont care about" on a poster sized piece of paper...*

I no longer feel inspiration and happiness for the actions or non-actions of others. Its a recipe for destruction.... before you think im being negative - think about it for a second. Ill hold.

*elevator music*

Done? Cool.

In conclusion = public weblog = dumb. TO ME. If you disagree i dont care really. Its stupid, and its become ridiculous, and i dont need it. If i wanna write ill do it in my own way. And in a way that doesnt cost me cash, or time answering stupid questions or causing grief or whatever it is. In conclusion...

-wait-

I just realized i dont really know how to end things. Like say youre having a conversation with someone and its the end of the convo. Some people say "bye." Which is normal, but i guess you cant end an entry with BYE. Then i really used to hate it when people said PEACE. I just thought the shit was silly, but the n i started saying it, and its a habit, and really to this day i think its ridiculous. Equally ridiculous as "1." "1" what? Never got that one either. Holla back...i hate that too. Who makes this shit up?

until my reincarnation...

Peacebyeonehollatchaboy.